The Dating Man's Mind.

I often encounter female friends who feel that their male counterparts have commitment issues.

After hearing their concerns, a commonality is that men and women have two entirely different methods in which commitment is displayed.  A vast majority of men commit through their actions.  Much like your male friend, they will cease romantic interactions with other females and make conscious attempts to be supportive and romantic towards you.  As men, we do not view a title as a definite sign of our loyalty towards a significant other.  There are many a man who are willing to say that you are his girlfriend, although he still acts in an aloof manner and pursues the interest of other women.

It is your prerogative to establish what commitment means to you. I urge you to not overlook his actions in lieu of a title. At the same time, if he is not willing to divulge the re-established relationship to his family and friends; That may show that his feelings are not as strong. Hopefully, the positive actions will outweigh the negative. 

I hope this helps.

A relationship with no title is the ideal situation for a dating man. 

Most men believe, recognize and eventually realize that something as simple as a title, changes everything.  Without the title, there is often a casual,  ”Friends with Benefits” type atmosphere. Although, we know that we also have the exclusivity and support that an official relationship provides.

Once the formal titles of “Boyfriend” / “Girlfriend” are designated, a mountain of accountability and responsibility follows.  Behavior that was once acceptable is no longer so. Arguments begin to occur over situations that were once never an issue. These are the things that men attempt to avoid; the seriousness of it all.

It is also prudent to understand that for men, a title does not denote how we feel about you.  If a man verbally explains that he is not and has no desire to seek the affection of others; then in his mind, he is in a committed relationship.  He will be supportive, possessive and loving with or without an official title.  

Just a little insight.

More information on this topic and others can be read in Chapter 15 of The Dating Man’s Mind , entitled “Labels”.  The eBook can be found here…

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B006WCRBW0

or here…

 http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/books/1037677225?ean=2940013768512&itm=1&usri=zack+cleckler 

As men, we function on direct, first-level, thought patterns. 

Meaning that, unless you specifically explain in detail to him, that you would like a hand written letter, he will have no way of knowing.  The thought may never cross his mind.  He feels that he is being a considerate partner by his assistance in planning the party and the gift, which he purchased. 

Often times, discrepancies in a relationship will occur because men will feel that their significant other is not recognizing the effort they put into the relationship.  We also do not understand that what we consider to be “effort” are the normalcies that women expect in the first place.  

This is why first-level, blatant communication is necessary.  If utilized, you are more than likely to receive exactly what you want and the male will be happy that he was able to provide it for you. 

Just a little insight. 

Thank you very much!

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— The Dating Man’s Mind.

At this point, the best thing to do is to let him verbally express himself when ready.

I am not informed of stipulations behing the broken promise, but what ever may have occurred has clearly disturbed him.  By circuitously addressing the situation, you may be just reminding him of the very issue that is upsetting him.  Try an alternate approach and allow him to divulge his concerns.  This way, he will be able to see how much you truly care by your willingness to listen. 

I hope this helps. 

Men like to keep life as simple as possible.

In testy situations that may cause conflict or an argument, a man will quickly try to quell the matter at hand as quickly as one can. He knows that you may have found the information in the message to be disagreeable; Therefore he tried to avert the issue all together by deleting the text.

Men do this often, not as a cover up, but more so because, we fear that non-consequential matters can immediately turn into a negative and confrontational  event.

It is pertinent to recognize that something as simple as a text does not necessarily denote infidelity. A man’s actions determine his truths.  As long as what he does does not differ from the norm, then there is no cause for concern.  

I hope this helps. 

This is a scenario in which a young man is taking the time to prepare himself for a serious relationship.

Often times men may rush into a commitment in order not to lose our romantic interests, knowing that we are not fully prepared to do so. In this case your friend is recognizing that he sees himself with you in the future, but he would like to take some time in order to prepare himself to become a proper boyfriend.  

He hopes that dating other people will allow the both of you to find the value in the other person.  This way when the time is right, you all will be able to establish a healthy relationship.

Just a little insight. 

Men expect you to recognize our actions as our testament to our feelings.

Although non-verbalized, his frustration comes from instances in which you may overlook his attempts to benefit you and the relationship. The genuine and sincere actions that you may feel are expected, are actions which he goes out of his way to accomplish.

Based upon the situations that you do choose to verbalize, a man may believe that you only acknowledge him for negative or hypothetically negative instances, prompting him to believe that you are in the wrong for doing so.  

Your actions will predetermine his.  If you are able to focus on the positive aspects of this person, he will go out of his way to put more of these positive components on display.  There will be no need for anyone to play mental games. 

Just a little insight. 

This entry was written in two parts. ( I normally try to respond to posts that are presented all at once, but this is an exception. ) Part two has been pasted below, followed by my response.

2….and he flirts with me, he’s asked me a couple times what i’m up to and wanted to hangout, but I always said no because I was interested in that guy that moved on. Anyways I’m thinking of sleeping with him, and hopefully it turns into a casual seeing eachother thing, I mean we’re friends, I’d hope he would respect me enough not to just only have sex with me once. Do you think this is ridiculous? It feels almost like a waste to just lose my virginity after waiting this long, but I want 2move on.

The first step in moving on is realizing that your gift is worth giving to someone whom truly deserves to receive it.

Your interest in both these men should diminish when you analyze their actions.  If they were truly interested in a pursuing a healthy romantic relationship, they would have taken some initiative in their efforts to get to know you.  You should not have to think in possibilities, in regards to a male’s attraction towards you.  When a man is truly drawn towards a woman, he will make overt attempts to acquire her time and attention. Anyone who does less, may not be worth your concern. 

A little patience will go a long way in this circumstance.  If you wait, the man you find for you will be worth it.

I hope this helps. 

Along with our possessiveness, men are innately stubborn as well.

It appears as if it was not a mutual decision to end the previous relationship.  More than likely, the ex-girlfriend is the person whom chose to secede.  Her actions prompted what the male perceives to be unresolved issues between the two of them. A major internal issue being that she usurped the power from the relationship by ending it ( He’d rather “quit” opposed to getting “fired” per say ).  

He is attempting to show that he is past the actual relationship by entering into a new one and now, getting married.  Albeit, the stubbornness and lack of closure on his part that catalyzes him to remain in contact with the ex.  He may not become satisfied, until he can state his piece, by formally ending communication with her…on his terms.

I hope this helps.  

Until man finds a regular source of physical attention, he will gravitate towards whichever woman he feels is most plausible to generate this desired result. 

It is an on again-off again process with no true time-table. These habitual mannerism, rekindles itself when one is in need of an intimate encounter.  This is why a male acquaintance may contact you ( what seems to be randomly ) after being inconspicuous for a great length of time.  He is attempting to ascertain the probability of you becoming his new source.    

It is also important to note that this “Game” is rarely executed with you as the only player.  If rejected, he will move on to the next “contestant” so to speak.  The male is looking for the best option, but will often settle for the first option available.  The entire process is our way of discerning who is whom.

Just a little insight.  

It is very important to ask yourself what your long-term intentions are with “Jack”, and if entering into a FWB relationship will allow you to meet your desired results. 

There is a school of thought that allows some people to feel as if intimacy is a gateway, if not synonymous to a stable, emotional relationship. Most men do not think in this manner.

For us guys; Intercourse is merely a physical activity, utilized to produce a physical ( and subsequently euphoric ) reaction.  Often times, in an immature man’s mind, the person that produces this result, is not as important as the result itself.

Our strong emotional connections to women are developed through shared, enjoyable, experiences outside of the bedroom.  The male mentality allows us to believe that we can acquire physical satisfaction from anyone. In the long run, having the ability to provide physical satisfaction is not a valuable asset.  We become emotionally vested in a woman when she shows that she has some unique and individual qualities to offer.  

So, if you are seeking a male’s companionship as only a physical outlet, then a FWB relationship is right for you.  Just be aware that the relationship stands an improbable chance of progressing into anything substantial.  If a devoted connection is what you desire, then allow Jack to view you as more than just a source of sexual satisfaction.

I hope this helps.

For more on these topics and others, read Chapter 14 in The Dating Man’s Mind, entitled “Friends with Benefits”.  The book can be purchased on Amazon, here:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B006WCRBW0

or from Barnes and Noble, here:

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/books/1037677225?ean=2940013768512&itm=1&usri=zack+cleckler 

or you can donate at the Paypal tab above. 

It is very possible for a man to be in a relationship, while fond of a previous romantic interest. 

More than likely, these feelings will be physical in nature, opposed to purely emotional. Men are innately possessive. Once we have acquired a source of physical affection it may be difficult for us to relinquish that bond and sense of physical entitlement, despite the fact that the relationship has disintegrated.  These feelings do not necessarily mean that he would re-enter into a romantic relationship with the ex, more so that he would consider any sexual advances from the previous girlfriend…if the situation were to arise.

Presumably you, as the current Girlfriend, are providing the physical attention which he desires.  Therefore, his overall temptation to regress is probably insignificant.

Just a little insight.