The Dating Man's Mind.

Your intuition is exactly right in this scenario. 

Men learn from your actions, more than anything else…especially when it comes to the boundaries of a relationship.  We will only do what you allow us to. 

Upon the first relapse, your ex-boyfriend immediately categorized you as an ongoing or emergency source for physical release (Hence the repeated contact).  You may process this notion as lingering feelings about the relationship, although for most men, your value lies in your willingness to acquiesce to his physical desires.

It is important to evaluate what you expect to gain from these periodic encounters, versus what your ex is receiving.  This way, you can make an informed decision about your current and past relationships.

Just a little insight.  

That is exactly, what this book is for.

It can found on amazon, here —> 

http://www.amazon.com/The-Dating-Mans-Mind-ebook/dp/B006WCRBW0/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1370973122&sr=8-1&keywords=the+dating+mans+mind

and at Barnes & Noble, here —>

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-dating-mans-mind-zack-cleckler/1113643822?ean=2940013768512

I hope this helps.

When it comes to sexual relations and the advancement of physical activity within a relationship; There are two types of men, considerate  and inconsiderate.

The twist is that these two personality types are often found within the same man.  How we feel about the woman at hand determines how we interact with them in regards to intimacy.  If we do not plan on or foresee the possibility of us entering into a long-term relationship; We will be more assertive when pursuing sexual exploits. We feel that this person will not be in our lives for a great deal of time, so why not enjoy the experience while we can.  The man will be inconsiderate of the woman’s feelings, intentions and desires in lieu of his own needs.

The consideration occurs when a man can see long term relationship potential in a woman.  We then begin to try to not “mess things up” by acting with a strong sense of caution in terms of physical endeavors.  We believe that acting aggressively, without the woman being ready will damage or end a relationship.  Therefore, we look, wait and watch for the woman to overtly indicate that she is ready to physically advance. We have to know that you are sure, before we make any moves.

We interpret this level of restraint as a respectful and considerate gesture, although (as in your situation) the notion can sometimes become detrimental to our cause.  Communication is key and as men, we interpret, interact and understand more through physical touch than any other form of communication.  By increasing your level of small physical interactions (hugs, kisses, hand holding etc…) over time a man is more likely to reciprocate the notion and things will progress naturally, hopefully alleviating the frustration incurred in this scenario.

I hope this helps.

This is a matter of gender perspective.  Men love sex, which is a clear understatement, but there is much more to this commonality than one may think.

Nearly every action that a man partakes upon is fundamentally based in his attempt to find a sustainable source of physical intimacy.  This is why we shave, seek high paying jobs and purchase fancy, materialistic items.  The ultimate goal in most of our endeavors is to make ourselves more appealing to women so that we may partake in physical intercourse whenever we so desire.

Believing that you are “using” a man simply for sex, may be a bit misguided.  For us, this level of access, without any of the necessary responsibilities or obligations of a full blown relationship, is often perceived as a reward.

The only drawback is that, we enjoy this scenario SO much that a male is highly likely to grow attached to the situation.  This attachment will soon foster feelings of possessiveness and exclusivity.  Over time, it is highly likely that he will want a full fledged relationship, not necessarily because he deeply cares for you, but more so because of the arrangement that you are willing to provide.  

It would be prudent to evaluate your feelings for this person.  Do you maintain the sexual relationship because you like him as a person;  Or, do you only like him because of his sexual attributes?  At some point, a man will want some clarity about the situation.  It’s best to already know how you feel when that moment arises.

Just a little insight.

For more detailed information, refer to Chapter 4 in The Dating Man’s Mind, entitled “The Truth”.

His fear emanates from two separate sources.

The first of these is his desire not to hurt you.  It appears that you all are in a deeply committed, positive relationship.  In scenarios such as these, emotions will become anchored and can be quite painful to unhook.  If he were to move away, he knows that it would hurt you deeply and he looks to avoid that.

The second fear (that most men have) is that of wasting time.  It takes so much sacrifice, emotion and dedication for us to become completely involved in a relationship.  If any thought prompts us to believe that this connection will dissolve; Men will naturally begin to proceed with an heir of caution.

Overall, he is looking for certainty and reassurance.  He knows that moving back home is a possibility, but he does not know how you would react if he were to do so (and most people, male and female, fear the unknown.).  It is important to make a hypothetical decision and to inform him of it.  Would you move to his country with him? Would you try to maintain an international long distance relationship?  Whatever you decide may ultimately change the course of his actions.  It will also allow him to know how to proceed, whether that is diving in head first and becoming even more attached or if it is to just take things lightly until he can settle down.

With either outcome, the both of you will be more informed of how the other feels and will know how to proceed in the future.

I hope this helps. 

The best course of action in this scenario is to be completely upfront and honest.

This may be challenging to do, because the fear of rejection can serve as a prominent obstacle.  But if he has been entertaining your conversation for a year, there is certainly some intrigue on his part.  The one thing that most men will not do, is waste time on a woman that he does not see as a potential romantic interest.

So tell him how your truly feel and more importantly, why you feel that way.  Regardless of his response (hopefully for the better), the air will be cleared and you all will both know how to proceed in the future. 

I hope this helps. 

You are certainly not dumb.

One of the biggest components required in order to engage in a successful relationship is timing.  Unfortunately, this is an intangible factor that is outside of our control.

The common colloquialisms “Everything happens for a reason” & “If it is meant to be, it will be” come to mind.  But, you can believe these at your discretion.  The one thing that holds true is that if the opportunity arises again, a man will be extremely proactive in his attempt to inform you about his sincere feelings.  

I hope this helps. 

Hi, 

I do not retain a facebook page in regards to this blog or book.  

Although, I do have a twitter! Follow me here @datingmansmind

Thanks for writing. 

As men, we crave physical attention.

In a vast majority of societies around the globe, the social construct of a “man” is based upon one’s ability to repress emotion, to show no need for affection.  Our perceived strength is measured in our solitude.  Because of this, most young boys are raised through childhood and we accept in manhood, the lack of physical touch in our daily lives. 

The only people whom we allow to touch us without offense, are those who we feel truly care about us ( primarily family ).  So when a woman (or anyone for that matter) initiates physical contact, a man will regard that action as an invitation to become closely acquainted.  He will then respond appropriately based upon how he feels towards this person.

 If you can find a general reason to shake this person’s hand; You have then opened up the possibility for a pat on the back or even a hug.  By initiating the simple physical contact, a man will quickly recognize your interest, without allowing you to be perceived as coming on too strong. Hopefully, some progressive conversation will ensue after the ice has been broken.

I hope this helps. 

This scenario is not as convoluted as one may think. 

It is a frequently accepted notion that men have “needs”.  This colloquialism refers to the physiological dependency that many men have to sensual physical interaction. When you were on extended leave, this man had to fulfill his “addiction” via some other source.  This is why the “connection” was lost.  It is quite possible that he quickly, albeit temporarily re-established that connection with someone else in order to nourish that need.

Upon your return, the connection that he prefers (you) was re-established.  He is now trying to solidify the relationship and subsequently, the connection by displaying his immediate interest in you.  This way, he will not not find himself without a resource for physical or emotional support ever again.

Just a little insight.  

From an early age, most men are circumstantially conditioned to say or do whatever they believe a woman wants to hear or see in order to obtain their goals.  These goals may be short term, as in getting out of an argument or long term, as in maintaing a physical relationship.

Ironically enough, men have no inkling of the female thought process.  Therefore, when we attempt to act on your behalf; Our efforts are often in vain.  

The guy you are involved with, texts on a regular basis and partakes in these video calls, because in his mind, to do so is routine maintenance   in regards to the FWB relationship.  These actions are not necessarily sincere.  It seems like they occur because he feels as if he HAS to do these things, opposed to simply WANTING to them. 

In order to avoid the confusion that his actions bring forth; It is important to verbalize your wants and what actions you require of him, that will result in what he wants.  A newfound level of transparency, will bring everything into the light, leaving no room for contradictory actions or confusion. 

I hope this helps. 

A relationship is possible if his schedule allows for it. Until that changes, the dynamic between the two of you will remain as it stands.

Currently, your friend is making time for what he finds important, which is intimacy. In regards to the other dynamics of a relationship, his actions will show his true intentions. If he wants to spend quality time, he will arrange his schedule in order to do so. If he wants to date you, he will take you on dates. It is as simple as that. The exact same energy, effort and time that’s required to engage in intercourse can also be used to build the foundation of a strong relationship. 

Pay attention to his actions and you will have your answer.  If he is not willingly making an attempt to engage in any activity outside of the bedroom then; It is up to you to make an emotional reaction that you are comfortable with.

I hope this helps.