The Dating Man's Mind.

This entry was written in two parts. ( I normally try to respond to posts that are presented all at once, but this is an exception. ) Part two has been pasted below, followed by my response.

2….and he flirts with me, he’s asked me a couple times what i’m up to and wanted to hangout, but I always said no because I was interested in that guy that moved on. Anyways I’m thinking of sleeping with him, and hopefully it turns into a casual seeing eachother thing, I mean we’re friends, I’d hope he would respect me enough not to just only have sex with me once. Do you think this is ridiculous? It feels almost like a waste to just lose my virginity after waiting this long, but I want 2move on.

The first step in moving on is realizing that your gift is worth giving to someone whom truly deserves to receive it.

Your interest in both these men should diminish when you analyze their actions.  If they were truly interested in a pursuing a healthy romantic relationship, they would have taken some initiative in their efforts to get to know you.  You should not have to think in possibilities, in regards to a male’s attraction towards you.  When a man is truly drawn towards a woman, he will make overt attempts to acquire her time and attention. Anyone who does less, may not be worth your concern. 

A little patience will go a long way in this circumstance.  If you wait, the man you find for you will be worth it.

I hope this helps. 

A man’s actions always displays how he truly feels. 

Despite how much he says that he loves you, what he has done proved otherwise.  A sincere love would have not allowed him to enter into any situation which resulted in the pregnancy of another woman.

Unfortunately, most dating men do not consider intimacy and emotions to be one in the same.  Intercourse is a primarily selfish and physical act, executed with the sole purpose of achieving a physical result.  We build emotional connections that transition into love, through mutual favorable experiences, over lengths of time. It is this train of thought that allows some men to rationalize stepping outside of their relationships. He figures that, there is not much time being spent with the mistress; Therefore, the act of doing so is not a major infraction upon the current relationship.  

 Of course, any man whom thinks so is not suited for a boyfriend/girlfriend dynamic in the first place. His actions have forced you into accepting this realization, but now you have the freedom to find a guy whom is able to focus his full attention upon you.

I hope this helps. 

In this situation, it is best to seek alternate romantic interests. 

WIth the innate predisposition that men have towards jealously and possessiveness, there is no way that choosing one over the other would result in anything less than chaos. Whether it is yourself or either one of your options, someone would lose a friend.

Men are action oriented creatures.  We interpret your sincere feelings based upon the actions you take.  By finding an outside source of affection, both friends will know not to interpret your affection as romantic interest, allowing them to pursue other women. Both parties will understand that you value their friendship and do not want to ruin the dynamic that took so long to build. 

I hope this helps. 

For more information on this subject and others, please refer to Chapter 7 of The Dating Man’s Mind, entitled, “No Friends Allowed”.  The book can be found here:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B006WCRBW0

or here

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/books/1037677225?ean=2940013768512&itm=1&usri=zack+cleckler

This situation is a matter of appeasement. 

Often times, a man can and will develop sentimental feelings for a woman, although these feelings are not synonymous with the desire to enter into a committed relationship. We can appreciate the companionship, support and other positive interactions, but relationships are major life changing decisions for men.

It is very easy to think in the “now” of things. You like him, you may even love him, you want to be with him in this exact moment. These thoughts may warrant and validate entering into a committed relationship. Men ( especially mature men ) think differently.  We view a relationship as an instantaneous and possibly lifelong foray into responsibility, accountability, protection and dedication.  It is more of a permanent  ”job” that we are willing work because of the love and affection that we have for our significant other.

It takes time for a man to properly prepare himself in order to willingly make this type of commitment. We want to make sure that we have fully enjoyed our social lives, that we are financially secure and that we are emotionally mature enough to enter into a successful and healthy relationship. We ideally hope to have a woman whom understands this notion. The possibility of a long term commitment and even mariage is much stronger when a man is provided the necessary time it takes to get his affairs in order. If you truly want to be with this man, do not give up on him. A little patience will go a long way, while supporting him in his attempt to whip his life into proper form. You will be the absolute first person he thinks about when he is truly ready for a relationship.

Just a little insight.

For more on this topic and others, refer to Section 4 of The Dating Man’s Mind entitled “The Relationship”. The book is on sale for only 2.99 for the entire month of February. It can be found here,

Amazon Link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B006WCRBW0

or here

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/books/1037677225?ean=2940013768512&itm=1&usri=zack+cleckler

This is an amazing review. Thank you so much for the support! Your comments reinforce my attempt to do some good in the world. I greatly appreciate it. 

— The Dating Man’s Mind.

ps. If other readers of the blog would like to purchase a copy of the book, it can be found here…  http://www.amazon.com/dp/B006WCRBW0

or here

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/books/1037677225?ean=2940013768512&itm=1&usri=zack+cleckler

Thank you.

Your assessment is fairly accurate.

Being in high school does not necessarily denote a relationship revolving around sex. The point in which sexual activity began to occur and his mentality at this point are the primary factors when analyzing a male’s intent.

 Love is a subject matter that men take very seriously. It is very capable for us to “Like” someone on a very intimate level. For a man to verbalize that he “Loves” a woman is the first official indication that he is considering marriage. Once more, to say so is a serious decree, hence men being reluctant to do so.  

After you were married, it would be very difficult for your friend to feel exactly the same about you. He knows that your husband is holding a position in your life that he once saw himself in. He may be able to communicate from time to time, but it would be hard for him to do so without feeling a sense of jealousy, sadness and regret. It is important to know that he has to move on, in order to get over the relationship that he believes could have been.  

Just a little insight. 

The “steamy afternoon” is a great indication of his true intent. 

Although he cares about you as a friend, he is indirectly attempting to convey how he actually feels. If presented with the opportunity, he would eagerly engage you in physical activity. It is important to note that, an interest in intimacy does not necessarily reflect romantic intent. Despite being physically active with a woman, a man is very capable of retaining a platonic friendship. 

You have to decide what you personally want to make out of his and your dynamic.  Once you have done this, inform your friend of your decision and then stick to it via your actions. If you can do this, there will be no confusion.  You both will know the boundaries within your relationship. 

I hope this helps. 

When a man is involved in an on again-off again-relationship, he begins to doubt his own choices more and more during each interval. He figures “if things did not work out the first time, then they are sure not to work out the next”. Despite this train of thought, male logic instructs us to act otherwise. 

This is why he has been open to reconciliation. It is only in attempt not to allow the physical relationship to dissolve. At this point, an emotional connection may be far from his mind.  Some men become accustomed to companionship and will feel uncomfortable when they have no female source.  It is not uncommon for a man to depend on one woman for affection, while looking for and eventually finding a suitable replacement.

Because of this, it is prudent to let him know that you are not hanging around for his mere disposal.  Set the ground rules and limitations of his and your interactions and then stick to it.  You may lose him as an acquaintance. You may re-obtain a boyfriend. With either result, you will no longer have to feel as if you are in the dark.

Just a little insight.