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Here is a part of the Foreward from my recently released book. It is available for purchase here.
“These men are going to be the death of me”. I swear this is my dating mantra. I’d like to think of myself as a woman about town. I am very social and I don’t find it very hard to meet guys. Although, there is one huge problem, I have always been a hopeless romantic. So when I do find a guy I like, many times he’ll be the wrong one for me. I took some time off, but now I’m back on the scene with a lot of self-awareness and great girlfriends, ready to guide me through this crazy world of dating. Yes, My girlfriends, my sisters. They are my sounding board when I’m confused about guys…and that’s often. I rarely make a move, - good or bad- without consulting them first or updating them afterward. Should I call or not? What do you think he meant when he said that? They all love me and I value their opinion like gold. Yet sometimes as much as I hate to admit it, they are not always right. It’s funny though; I didn’t really figure this out until I added a GUY to my circle of counsel and soon began to utter those three words that no woman ever wants to admit to, “he was right.”
It all started when I reconnected with my old flame, Ben. He and I had been seeing each other off and on for several years. After my last relationship ended I was very happy to reconnect with him. On paper Ben was golden and I thought that I should take things slow in order to let him know that I wasn’t interested in a purely physical relationship. So one day he invited me to come and visit. He lives about two hours away, so I was well aware that my trip would be an overnight stay, although I was adamant about not having sex him. I felt that I wasn’t ready for something like that, being fresh out of a long-term relationship and all.
Just because he was around at the time, I happened to ask my male friend, Zack. He is single and currently on the dating scene. Of course, I also asked my girls about the best way to handle the situation, knowing that Ben would expect to have sex. Zack assuredly said “call him and tell him that you’re not interested in having sex this weekend.” My girls exclaimed “No! Don’t call him and say that. He’s a jerk if he gets mad and you should just go stay at a hotel! Why should he be EXPECTING sex from you? You don’t OWE him anything and just because you spend the night doesn’t mean you have to do that!” Zack replied by saying, “Don’t listen to them. You are more of the jerk if you go and spend the night, knowing ahead of time that you don’t want to have sex. He is going to attempt to have sex and you may do so reluctantly, or you will spend the night without doing anything and then Ben will be upset about the situation. Just call him.”
I had convinced myself that my women friends were right, so I decided to go with their advice. As soon as I arrived in town, Ben and I met for drinks and the sexual tension between us was simply undeniable. We left; went back to his house and what else is there to say? I woke up the next morning feeling so guilty for starting my “relationship” with a roll in the hay. During breakfast, I told Ben how prior to my trip I had resolved that I didn’t want to have sex with him. Guess what he said? “You should’ve called. All you had to do was tell me.” I almost choked on my food. The first thought that came to mind was that “Zack was right!” He wasn’t surprised when I told him the news. I was shocked, but once more, I had to admit, Zack was right. He became my new confidant and close to the wisest counsel. A man. I almost feel like I have betrayed my girls. But after several times uttering those treacherous words “Zack, you were right, I should have listened to you.” I realized that there is definitely knowledge in what he says. Zack is someone who is willing to listen to all of my stories, letting me go on and on explaining why I “thought” this guy did such and such, he would just shake his head, and then tells me those hard truths no women wants to hear. Such as “he just wants to have sex” or “he doesn’t like you in that way” or “Don’t call him. Let him call you.” Sometimes these are the hardest words of advice to take, but I’ve found that when I listen to him I get a better result than I’d normally get when I rely on my own instincts. MY instinct, a women’s instinct…can always use a little help from a Dating Man’s Mind. I give you, my friend, counsel and confidant, Zachariah Cleckler.
— Olympia Favors