Question from huppsicle
I'm in rough shape because the guy I'm in love with and have been with for 5 years off and on just broke up with me. He was really honest about it and said he loves me and I'm the best girlfriend he's ever had, but he doesn't want anyone. He said he wants to be alone because that's what makes him happiest. Can you help me understand this a little more? I don't understand why when the relationship is great that they would want to give that up.
This situation is a matter of appeasement.
Often times, a man can and will develop sentimental feelings for a woman, although these feelings are not synonymous with the desire to enter into a committed relationship. We can appreciate the companionship, support and other positive interactions, but relationships are major life changing decisions for men.
It is very easy to think in the “now” of things. You like him, you may even love him, you want to be with him in this exact moment. These thoughts may warrant and validate entering into a committed relationship. Men ( especially mature men ) think differently. We view a relationship as an instantaneous and possibly lifelong foray into responsibility, accountability, protection and dedication. It is more of a permanent ”job” that we are willing work because of the love and affection that we have for our significant other.
It takes time for a man to properly prepare himself in order to willingly make this type of commitment. We want to make sure that we have fully enjoyed our social lives, that we are financially secure and that we are emotionally mature enough to enter into a successful and healthy relationship. We ideally hope to have a woman whom understands this notion. The possibility of a long term commitment and even mariage is much stronger when a man is provided the necessary time it takes to get his affairs in order. If you truly want to be with this man, do not give up on him. A little patience will go a long way, while supporting him in his attempt to whip his life into proper form. You will be the absolute first person he thinks about when he is truly ready for a relationship.
Just a little insight.
For more on this topic and others, refer to Section 4 of The Dating Man’s Mind entitled “The Relationship”. The book is on sale for only 2.99 for the entire month of February. It can be found here,
Amazon Link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B006WCRBW0
or here
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/books/1037677225?ean=2940013768512&itm=1&usri=zack+cleckler
